I am coming to terms with the truth that life is unpredictable. Even as a kid, I abhorred change. As a very structured person, I like my routine; same bed time on repeat. While some routine is beneficial, at a certain point it becomes limiting. Little changes scare me more than big ones because the big ones happen so fast I can’t control them if I try….AKA CORONA…Massive changes force me to adjust, but consciously making small changes is f****ing hard, man.
What scares me more than anything is not knowing, and I DON’T KNOW SO MUCH (even though I pretend I do.) This age is so weird. At 22, I am young enough to take many different paths, but I am old enough that I have to be responsible about my decisions??? I feel off kilter. If there was a book detailing how to live life right, I think I would follow those instructions to a T… but where’s the fun in that?
A quote I have been thinking about a lot lately is,
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Idk if Lao actually ever said this, but I probably found it on a Pinterest board or something, and the words really stuck with me. If I am honest with myself, I spend way more time than I would like in the past and future. I think most people spend their lives trying to reach that “peace,” but I wonder how many actually achieve it.
I’m not sure what the point of this post was, but as I am planning to leave home, these thoughts have been on my mind. I am hopeful for this new change, and I will try to stay in the present…practice mindfulness and all that blah blah blah.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 😉